Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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