Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
