Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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