No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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