the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
