she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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