pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
