Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
