blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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