just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
