the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
