i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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