is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
