Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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