toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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