He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
