I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
