I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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