with your own penis?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
