So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
