You made me cry and you don't even care
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
