So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
