I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
