i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
