Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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