it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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