thus making me awesome and them whores
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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