if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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