Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
