is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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