plz talk dirty to me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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