I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do herpes really smell.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
