I want to walk on stilts...naked
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
