Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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