If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
