He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
