I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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