did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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