I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
