You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
