Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My life is pants optional.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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