The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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