I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
