i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
