Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
