He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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