Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
