so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
