just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
