I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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